TODAY’S WEATHER:

Mostly unshaven and untrimmed, with frequent bald patches possible.

How to destroy the Earth

This man is a mind of genius. We welcome our new overlord.
Read How to destroy the Earth while you still have the chance.

BLITZKRIEG !! SOFORT !!

Freeze my Bawls! Do it!

Are you stuck drifting through life in a state of existential confusion wandering aimlessly through the multitudes of energy products not knowing which one is the right one for you? Then look no further for the true meaning of life then Master Sensei Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink!

Lightning Bolt, the one and only energy drink crafted by martial arts expert and herbal specialist Steven Seagal, is the only all natural 100% juice energy drink on the market. This long lasting energy elixir is made with key ingredients from all over the globe. With a healthy dosing of Tibetan Goji Berry, Asian Cordyceps, B-Vitamins, Green Tea, Yerba Mate, Ginseng, Ginkgo Biloba, Guarana, and Policosanols, Lightning Bolt will give you the strength you need to punch your adversary’s faces through plate glass windows day in and day out!

Oh and it gets better, Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt is available in 2 great juicy flavors! Cherry Charge brings you the great taste of freshly squeezed cherry juice, while for those of you that desire a slightly less sweet drink can partake of the true Asian Experience. Either way, you still get a powerful bolt of energy delivered into your body that Steven Seagal precisely blended for lasting maximum performance. So get ready to take on the world with new meaning with Steven Segal’s own Lightning Bolt Energy Drink!

Features:

• 100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice
• Designed for intense mortal combat or any extreme situation requiring ultimate energy
• Can has Steven Seagal’s face on it (who could ask for more!?!)

Cold Weather Alert:

Due to the cold temperatures of the winter months, customers have been experiencing exploding Bawls. We are very concerned for the safety of our customers and do not wish for their Bawls to freeze. We recommend that if the ambient temperature of your area is at or below freezing, that you refrain from ordering carbonated caffeine beverages during this time. Customers who wish to place orders for these products may do so at their own risk. Neither we nor our parcel delivery service will replace, refund, or process any claims for broken Bawls, exploded Rocket Fuel, or any other damaged beverage during this time.

Actually wanna buy this stuff?

NEIN! DITTRICH HAT ES GEMACHT, MUTTER!

But Mother! DITTRICH DID IT !

In our ‘The Disgracing of Thomas’ series:

Having stood on the sidewalk X mark for 6 hours straight, Thomas decided it just wasn’t worth it. Like his father before him, he turned and ran off in the general direction of the drug store. Panting, he entered.

“I need 20cc of epinefrine, on the double.” Thomas stated, without blinking.
“Would you like a bag with that?” the assistant asked.
“Do you think me a fool!?”
“Sir, I…”
“You’re all conspiring against me!”

And with that, he turned, grasped a handful of random bottles and ran from the store, sweating like a pig. NOW they would feel true force of his so-called pathological narcissistic obsessiveness with the supernatural.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE

Blind people are not be to pitied. Although they have lost one of the most essential senses available to man and are consequently handicapped throughout life in all its colourful variety, not being able to flourish truly as human beings are meant to do, instead regressing to some sort of vegatative state of indifference and hatefulness for what Gift of God they were denied, they STILL ARE NOT MEANT TO BE FROWNED UPON. They make great filming material, especially when they are out in the open.

This blind orchestral director and his dog were on the street today. NANOWHALE decided to film their performance for your enjoyment. For good measure: no, there was no music. He just waved his arms. I feel bad for the dog, having to guide that moron around. And Christ, is that reflective jersey really FUCKING NECESSARY!? WE CAN SEE PROPERLY, YOU CRAZY BASTARD.

A duck’s innards

Ducks are important now as they were ever before. Remember the filming of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, where Sir Bedevere correctly establishes a woman to be a witch by using a duck as a scale measure. (Indeed, it was this mind of genius who was the first to estimate the air speed of an unladen swallow.)

More screenplay is available.

Following the resurfacing of the long submerged Duck of Luck, we now bring you its inner workings.

Your roadkills will never be the same again.

Gay Players Can Wank

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE FISH

Helen is a former model and a Phi Beta Kappa with a master’s in education. Her nomadic nudist colonies have earned her millions. There’s a part of her, though, that’s not so perfect.

She’s a midget and smells like spoiled fish.

Buy her biography now and get a complementary aneurysm.

EVERY BALD GERMAN DESERVES AN ENEMA!!